Cats can’t hold spoons — don’t feed them with silver ones.

By contributing hater Little Nightowl in the Big City

A South Carolina couple parked at a Georgia rest stop freaked when their beloved cat Samantha ran off during a road trip to the Kennedy Space Center. But not to worry. A microchip planted on the feline aided local Animal Control in finding her 300 miles away in Jacksonville, Fla.

I know this is supposed to be one of those happy “feel good” stories of the day but feeling happy is difficult when a cat is located hundreds of miles away from its home with this type of technology while this girl, this girl and this girl unfortunately were not afforded the same privilege.

Who is mommy going to feed first? Remember, the claw to nail ratio is in Fluffy's favor.

I love how a cat that somehow avoids getting hit on a freeway for more than a month is found safe and sound yet a 4-year-old girl could wander away from my community and never be seen again. And that’s if the police decides it’s worth an amber alert.

I know the concept of human microchips stirs up debate about privacy rights but if fully developed I don’t think people would object to making this available to younger children. This would accomplish two things: (1) It would silence those pet owners who don’t see anything wrong with serving filet mignon with a garnish of Xanax to their pets and (2) Perhaps the 5 and under crowd who haven’t received the “Don’t Talk To Strangers/Your Worthless Father” talk yet or can’t distinguish a freeway from a Hot Wheels race track will have a fighting chance.

Let’s test this baby out on Interstate 95

The only thing I can think of our society uses for both children and pets is the leash. However, a leash is only effective if you keep a steady grip. And where the leash fails the microchip could certainly come in handy.

Or do you really want to locate this demon child?

And let’s not forget where they were taking this cat: The Kennedy Space Center. Damn near all of my grade school field trips pale in comparison to a trip to the Kennedy Space Center. Yet Samantha—who will never appreciate her good fortune—gets to go? The closest I’ll get to space exploration is jumping up and down in place and grabbing at air.

Further reinforcing the fact this cat needed no microchip were the couple’s actions in the last two sentences of the article:

“They said the feline would have a surprise at home — a new playmate. The Cearlys said they adopted another shelter cat.”

Translated, this means “Samantha, we thought you were flattened feline food on the highway so we found a replacement. Have fun competing for Fancy Feast with our new favorite.”

Well MY microchip located me from 600 miles away. How far away were you from home again?