Hate On Me

By contributing hater, Kenny Darter

When you write about one of the greatest tennis players in a generation, there are only so many ways you can describe a devastating forehand or a back-breaking backhand or a feathery-light drop shot that leaves opponents smashing rackets and cursing their respective gods.

If that all-time tennis megastar is a woman, however, you can always talk about her pant size. And her ass. And compare her to a farm animal with an insatiable appetite.

So really, the descriptions for a women’s tennis star like Serena Williams are never ending, as Kansas City Star columnist Jason Whitlock recently discovered. As long as you keep comparing Serena to her bone-thin opponents who wilt under the unrelenting pressure of her massive tennis game, there are unlimited rolls and wrinkles and imperfections you can write about.

Because Whitlock is clearly an authority on rolls and wrinkles.

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By contributing hater, Little Nightowl in the Big City

The city of Toronto, feeling short on its minority quota for a picture in its annual “Summer Fun Guide,” thought why think ahead and find a photogenic black guy when we can not only photoshop one in but also make it look like he’s staring at a little boy’s crotch.

Here’s the original and the new one side by side:

Of course the phrase "learn to swim, it's worth a try" was underneath his head

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By contributing hater, Kenny Darter

When robots study humanity through the Interwebs, it seems, they take on the traits of broken-English-speaking, gold-teeth-having, jive-talking ignoramuses.

Oh, Michael Bay. I’d say this hate is aimed directly for you, but I’m afraid you’ll blow up my neighborhood in your next blockbuster.

You might have heard about the two racist stereotype robots in the new “Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen,” movie that have made audiences squirm with discomfort since being released last week. The movie’s minstrel show from the year 5077 stars Skids and Mudflap, a pair of clumsy bad-guy twin robots who can’t read and speak obnoxiously loud, among the other characteristics mentioned above.

The J.J. Walkers of the future

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By contributing hater, Kenny Darter

Thanks to British company Brando, you can blow your nose with racist flair.

Brando, which sells gadgets like tiny keyboards and an Incredible Hulk can cooler, is offering a tissue holder in the form of a KFC bucket – adorned with President Obama dressed like effing Colonel Sanders.

Because, you see, apparently all black people like fried chicken, so that makes Obama akin to the spokesman for The American Association of Fried Chicken.

Which is the position Barack wanted all along.

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By The Elahater

Everyone in the world by now knows that Michael Jackson, King of Pop, is dead. How do I know everyone in the world knows this? Because everyone can’t stop Facebooking, blogging, Tweeting, or crying in the streets (yes, I do have confirmed reports of this) about how this man who was once a great entertainer and who may or may not be a child molester suddenly died.

I’ll preface by saying I am a bona fide old school MJ fan (who isn’t?). Some of my fondest childhood memories involve cousins and I moonwalking, wearing gloves and screaming “I’m bad!” to confused parents (”Yes, I know this.”–Dad). I also still rock out to some of my favs, such as “PYT” or “Lady in my Life.” He was a legend and made a huge contribution to music and culture. And yeah, Michael dying was kind of out of the blue. Except, have you seen him lately?

And by lately I mean the past 10+ years

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By The Elahater

Things are a bit crazy these days. Our look has changed once again, but problems with leaving comments should be resolved, so comment-away!

Unrelated, check out my latest guest post at Finding Bibi about the role of Iranian women in the current situation unfolding there.

By contributing hater Little Nightowl in the Big City

For those who believe in reincarnation after death and want to come back as a dog, may I recommend coming back as a golden doodle or Jack Russell terrier. Try coming back as a black labrador the closest you’re going to get to a bone is licking the cold steel of your kennel cage.

According to a Charlotte Post & Courier article, black dogs are the least likely to find new homes compared to fair-skinned pooches such as a golden retriever. One South Carolina SPCA director said “we make efforts to showcase them in extra special conditions” including putting them in colorful collars and into the light so they get noticed.

But I look horrible in yellow...

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By The Elahater

I found this over at DJ Daps1’s new site (which is hilarious), called “That’s Racist!” Normally I’m not a biter, but damn it, this is just too good to ignore.

Oh. Dear. Lord. I’m worried these judges are sending these white kids the wrong messages.

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By contributing hater, Kenny Darter

Here’s a sentence I wish was part of an Onion story: A great grandmother was Tasered by a police officer at a traffic stop.

And the Tasing was justified, in part, because the senior citizen dared to use unlady-like language.

Dag nab it, officer, I’m late for my doggone Parchesi game!

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By The Elahater

Awhile back, Kenny Darter decided to hate on Twitter, citing that the next generation won’t know how to engage in real human-to-human interaction and listing many other valid points.

Now, during the past few days, something amazing has happened. The very same medium that ‘tweens and celebrities have turned to in order to inform the world about how big their doo-doo in the toliet is, well, it’s the very same medium that people in Iran have turned to in order to save their very lives. Iranians are tweeting in the aftermath of their national elections to give the latest news about rallies, voting fraud, shootings and beatings, and most importantly, communicate with the outside world to inform us as to what’s going on in Iran. They are circumventing media outlets which are victim to severe censoring and distortion. Iranians have taken over the Twitter network, whose servers are based abroad and the government can’t fully shut down.

In fact, as I’m writing this, the top 5 out of 10 trending topics on Twitter have to do with Iran and the election-aftermath.

And what’s the top trending topic related to the U.S.? “Run’s House.”

Man, Americans need a cause BADLY

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